It’s that time of year again – the time when Budget & Savvy Travel magazine unveils the sexiest travel blogger alive. This year they’re celebrating their 50th anniversary and there’s no shortage of eye candy. It’s your opportunity to vote for the sexiest travel blogger alive. Below are the nominations. Make your vote count. Vote now!
These are our parodies on some of the world’s most famous travel bloggers. This is not an excuse to express how SEXY I am. Everyone already knows that’s a fact, silly.
#1. Harry – TheBudgetSavvyTravelers.com
Young, hot, brash…with more continents in his first year than any rookie travel blogger ever and an attitude that says, “Who cares? It’s only travel!”
#2. Mullet – NomadicMullet.com
Known for traveling for less than $1 a day, Mullet takes great pride in counting the number of people who ask about his mullet. “Everybody wants to know about the mullet,” he’s said. “They even want to take pictures with the mullet and not me.” His mullet is illegal in over 15 countries.
#3. Thailand Toni – OutOfTownThailand.com
Backstage snaps, duckface selfies, #yogabunny warrior poses: most travelers’ Instagram feeds are all the same, but not Toni’s! He’s most famously known for crudely Photoshopping himself into a taco than for hitting the airport runway.
#4. Nikolas – GoateesOnTheRoad.com
Many men have attempted the goatee, but few have succeeded. Nikolas’ pet goat is responsible for the grooming. He’s known to abstain from travel if his goat(ee) falls ill. “If my goat’s not with me, I don’t go.” The extra “luggage” is expensive but he has his sponsors cover the additional expenses. Nate’s had his goatee groomed 8,900,989 times since departing on his RTW trip.
#5. Nate – AdventurousNate.com
Nate travels the world alone. Only because no one has volunteered to travel in public with him, especially when he breaks out his coveted fox hat. Apparently, the fox provides travel tips and insight that only Nate can understand. Plus, rumor has it that his fox makes for one great drinking buddy.
#6. Matthew – VirtualVagabond.com
As a true digital nomad, Matthew has persuaded so many others to “go digital” that he, himself, physically turned digital. Virtual Matt is what he goes by nowadays. Generating approximately six figures per year from travel blogging, he boasts, “I manage to get by.” He’s chosen freedom over security. He’s “so brave.”
#7. Maverick – IndependentTraveler.com
Maverick encourages travelers to plan their own travels. His greatest travel tip is to stay away from organized tours. He often encourages travelers to stay at his place on the rocks. In fact, he’s known for luring solo women travelers to “meet-up” with him in the most remote, “off the beaten path” locations.
#8. Cray Cray – CrayCrayInCoconutLand.com
Ever since Cray Cray was a young boy he’s had a passion for cracking coconuts AND backpacking through Southeast Asia. He’s highly respected in the travel blogging world for backpacking on a mere $2 per day. When he’s hungry, he eats coconuts. When he’s thirsty, he drinks coconuts. “When I was little, I was a pretty big fan of a book called Counting Coconuts. I guess I never got over it,” he’s explained. The local Thais refer to him as “Coo Coo,” but we all know him as Cray Cray.
#9. Robi – LeaveYourDailyPrison.com
Other than growing up on the wrong side of the tracks, Robi was a (relatively) ordinary 30-year old, who grew up in a (relatively) ordinary family in an (extremely) ordinary Midwestern town. But that all changed the day Robi discovered what he calls, “dining and dashing.” He’s been sent and then released from prison over 134 times for not paying his high-end restaurant bills. “What people don’t realize is that under this hardcore exterior, I’m really just a foodie on the inside,” says Robi. After his last extreme dine and dash, the judge gave him one last chance. With it, he started the now famous foodie travel blog LeaveYourDailyPrison.com.
#10. Alan – GettingStickers.com
Alan’s always had a case of the stickers bug, but a trip to Belize took his addiction to a whole new level. “My whole life I’ve had an obsession with stickers. I like to peel them off things, feel them, and stick them on my lips. Is there a name for this? Does anyone else have this? I’ve searched everywhere online and I can’t find anything on it,” he’s said. Looks like he traded in his normal life to become a sticker junkie. He travels the world searching for that one-of-a-kind sticker to add to his treasured collection.
We hope that by now you realize that this blog post is a complete mockery of the ridiculousness that bloggers are putting out today. After living in the world of travel blogging for the last three years, we’ve realized that travel blogging, like the rest of the world, is going to shit.
It’s so aggravating, we’ve decided that 2017 is the year that The BS Travelers come out of our shell and finally start putting out “the real us.” These are the actual conversations and thoughts we share over our nightly bottle of wine. (And why not? We’ve got nothing to lose. You know…like a job. Or maybe followers? LOL.)
Success in travel blogging seems to be a popularity contest based on who knows who. People are nominating their “friends” for fake travel awards to gain popularity and blog traffic. Wanna-be’s are trailing behind them writing “Look at me! Look at me! I’m their friend! We met up for drinks once at the backpacker’s hostel that time we hung out together in S.E. Asia.”
Travel blogging has become quantity over quality. Basically, let’s get more sponsorships by cranking out uninspiring blog posts. Oh, you’re recommending visiting the Space Needle when traveling to Seattle? Enlightening! Take a Game of Thrones Tour while in Dubrovnik? Wow! Never thought of that before! Cook Ramen and stay in the cheapest dorm room hostel to brag about how you travel for only $10 a day? What a genius! Get this man a book deal! (Insert eye roll here.) Can I get that 5 minutes of my life back please?
So we hope you got a kick out of our parody Sexiest Travel Award contest. We know that we sure did. If anything, at least you got to see some of our random photo outtakes. Oh, and one more thing. Here’s an insider travel blogger secret. Just add the word “sexy” in a blog post title for a guaranteed skyrocketing number of post blog hits. It drew you here, didn’t it?